All posts tagged Pain

Keep Your Heart Open

Published December 11, 2016 by LoveTrustFaith


“The bigger the wall, the bigger the heartbreak” – Me


Okay, please don’t judge me for what I’m about to admit. I went on Tinder this past Friday night and I met up with a guy. This was one of the most spontaneous things I have ever done. I talked to him for maybe an hour and decided to meet him. The mini date went well but I had no desire to go on a second date. Nevertheless, I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and taking a risk. It was scary as Hell. But exciting at the same time. I was nervous and my stomach filled with butterflies. However, I pushed through the fear and did it anyway. Why am telling you this story? Because life is about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and this story is a perfect example of that.

Let’s take a few steps back for a minute. For most of my whole life, I have worked extremely hard to build up emotional walls around myself so that I wouldn’t be hurt by anyone. I have lived up to other people’s expectations and conformed to what I thought everybody wanted me to be. I put a mask over my face to conceal my true self. I’m playing a role in the play called Life. But at the same time, I’m being inauthentic. I’m not being who I truly am inside because I’m afraid. Terrified of letting people in because what if they disliked what they saw. But I’m tired of living a lie and pretending to be someone that I’m not.

I had some huge realizations today. By building up walls around myself, I was protecting myself from darkness while depriving myself of the light as well. What happens to a heart that is closed off from light? It becomes a black hole. Destroying anything that comes within its proximity. Over time, the heart begins to sabotage itself by feeding the darkness. It becomes cynical and apprehensive. It questions everything. This is the point where blocking off your heart backfires. Because not feeling anything is much worse than feeling pain.

Within each of us, exists darkness and light. The Ying and the Yang. An internal balance of energies. When you shut down and refuse to become intimately connected to others, you throw off that delicate balance within. The light within can never be fully extinguished because it is the light of our soul. But it can become diminished (If we allow it to be). And sometimes we don’t even realize it’s happening. That is until the Universe intervenes.

There are certain people in this world who have the ability to reignite the hearts of others. They have the special superpower to break through the walls that have been constructed. They can shine in light where there was once only darkness. Through this, miracles occur.

We often look at heartbreak as a bad thing. We wish that it had never happened or that we had never met those people. But sometimes we needed our hearts to be broken wide open. To have an intense energy surge through our being and cause that small flame of light to become a raging fire. A spark to awaken us to the love that’s waiting to enter our lives. But that future love requires us to be open and receptive not closed and dismissive. Through heartbreak, we learn to feel again. We allow our selves to heal without building up new walls. We are exposed and we are vulnerable. And it doesn’t always feel good. But it is necessary. Because we are meant to shine our light and experience love.

So, let’s take a moment to thank those people from our past who allowed us to rediscover our true selves. The ones that pushed us outside our comfort zone and made us uncomfortable. Because without these unsung heroes, we may still be stuck in the darkness. They allowed us to remember why we’re all here on this planet. In order to be connected and come together for a greater good. I send a big thank you to all who have broken down my walls and broken open my heart. Without you, I have no clue where I’d be. The lesson in all of this is there is always a silver lining in everything that happens. Stay positive and always keep your heart open. For you never know when love might cross your path 😉

Until next time and sending you all my love as always,




I Have A Confession…

Published April 29, 2016 by LoveTrustFaith



“Don’t be someone that searches, finds, and then runs away” – Paulo Coelho

So my confession is that I have a tendency to push people away. That’s the secret that I’ve been hiding for quite some time. I’ve become an expert at getting close to others on a surface level and once it begins to feel too intimate or personal, I quickly back off. Sometimes I just stop all communication and other times it’s a slow “lost touch” type of situation. I don’t know why I do this. I tend to judge others and as soon as I find a fault, I’m like “Screw this! I’m out.” I’m so terrified of getting hurt that I put up an invisible barrier to protect myself from the world. But is it really protecting me? Not so much. It’s only keeping me isolated and alone.

As soon as someone does something “bad” or I discover a characteristic that’s “wrong” about them, I run away with the excuse that it was the other person whom was the problem. Maybe all of this stems from my childhood where I was hurt beyond measure. Whether it be the countless bullies who tortured me about my weight/looks/etc., family who lost faith in me when I was going through difficult times, toxic friendships where I felt less than and insignificant, a parent whom cheated and caused a painful divorce, or the many times of unrequited love (a few of which left my heart shattered into a gazillion pieces). My past experience has led me to the present where I find myself having a hard time opening up to and trusting others.

I realize that I must break down the walls that I have built or I will never truly find the love that I know is out there waiting for me. But let me tell you, it’s freaking hard. Being vulnerable is scary as hell. The thought of being my true self around someone and letting them know everything about me is quite terrifying. What if they don’t like what they see and then they leave? Sometimes, it’s easier to shut things down before they even begin. However, this is not the solution. I cannot keep running away. I must deal with my feelings and work through them. Allow people to see the real me and if they don’t like it, then that’s their loss and not my problem.

I don’t want to be anything other than who I am. No more pretending to be perfect. I’m not perfect and neither is anyone else. I want to be surrounded by people who care about me. People who are there for me no matter what. People that accept every piece of who I am (including the good, bad, and the ugly). I want to create a life where I feel supported and loved. Because that’s how life should be.

I have many things about myself to work on. Practicing non-judgment and acceptance is a good place to start. By focusing on the flaws and imperfections of others, I’m only fueling the judgment and criticism of myself. And by constantly cutting people out of my life, I’m avoiding true human connection. Plus, I’m missing out on valuable lessons. Remember, everyone we meet has something important to teach us.

So, I’m going to work on letting people into my world. Yes I may get hurt or rejected but at least I will be putting myself out there. No regrets. I am courageous and I CAN do this. Here’s to being open, genuine, and loving. I totally got this 😉

And to all the people from my past that I’ve run away from or cut out of my life due to fear, I send you my sincerest apologies.

Until next time,