No More Goodbyes.

 

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings” – Lao Tzu

Hey everybody! I’m baaaack 😀 It’s been a hot minute since I updated y’all on everything (actually it’s been 13 months but who’s counting lol). I have tons of stuff to talk about but something in particular has been on my mind so I’m going to start with that. Here we go!

What’s the hardest part of traveling? For me, it’s constantly having to say goodbye. 

Everywhere I go, I meet amazing human beings from all walks of life. All of these people serve a purpose in my journey. And meeting different people is one of my favorite parts of traveling. Actually, it’s the reason why I travel. Through meeting others, we discover ourselves. It allows us to grow, learn, and evolve. And that is why you are never the same after exploring different parts of the world. Change is inevitable.

Each person that you meet, plays a different role in your life. There are those people who test your limits, make you question things, and push you outside of your comfort zone. Others who motivate you, inspire you to be a better person, and help you to try new things. Those who reflect back to you all the issues that you need to work on and heal. And people who literally save your ass and propel you towards your destiny. Every interaction is invaluable and can offer us immense knowledge (if we allow it to). However, no matter how long the friendship or relationship lasts, there will always be a goodbye.

There’s a beautiful saying by Alexander Graham Bell, “When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” This quote is true in so many ways. All endings lead to new beginnings but we must allow ourselves to let go and release everything that’s holding us back. Sometimes holding on causes more damage than letting go.

I am a sensitive person and I tend to connect deeply with people rather quickly. Traveling has helped me develop this skill. By meeting so many people and having such a limited amount of time with them, you have to open up faster than you normally would. And while I absolutely love getting to know lots of people, I’m realizing that most of these “friendships” are quite superficial and tend to fizzle out once you go your separate ways. Sure, there are some exceptions to the rule. But typically, the time that you share with fellow travelers will be brief.

Sometimes, you ask yourself…”Why should I even bother if this is never going to lead to anything substantial”? And while this is a valid thought, it’s missing the whole point. Not everyone you meet is going to stay in your life. In fact, very few people will. But change is not dependent on time. Some people can quickly cause a ripple effect. If you hadn’t met them, your life would be completely different. Some people cause bigger impacts on us than others but… we can learn something from everyone. And that’s definitely worth remembering.

So, whenever I no longer want to meet people and I feel like shutting down, I need to remind myself why I’m traveling in the first place. I may never see or talk to these people again but I’ll always have the memories as well as the lessons. There is a reason for everything that happens. Everyone you meet is a teacher and it’s only when we stay open that we can learn from them. The key is to stay present, embrace the moment, enjoy the time you spend with others, and experience life to the fullest. 

And I’ll end with a quote from the wonderful Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Until next time, I send you all love, peace, and happiness 🙂

~Maryann

Always Choose Vulnerability.

“Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage” – Brene Brown

It has been said that in order to love, you must first allow yourself to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable requires you to trust that no matter what happens in the outside world, you will be okay. When you feel like your world is crashing around you and you cannot handle anymore, keep pushing forward. Faith is the light that guides you through the darkness and trust is what gives you the courage to try again.

Sometimes you have to take huge risks while not having it all figured out (which is terrifying for a control freak like me). Control is my defense mechanism. But since none of us are really in control, it is a tricky illusion. Because the only thing we’re really in control of is ourselves.

I’ve realized during my travels thus far that I’ve been trying to control everything instead of going with the flow. This is mainly because I feel out of my element right now. And whenever things don’t go according to my plans, I end up feeling frustrated, angry, and sad. I’ve even had several moments where I wanted to give up and go home. However, I have identified these tough moments as culture shock and homesickness. I’ve been working through these feelings instead of running from them. Processing our feelings is one of the most important things we can do.

Traveling takes you outside of your comfort zone. You find yourself in unfamiliar places and meeting tons of new people. Traveling humbles you and helps you develop patience. There are typically many challenges along the way. But to travel is to learn acceptance and tolerance of others (and also of yourself). It opens your mind to new ways of thinking and how to approach life in a different way.  In short, traveling makes you a better person.

The ultimate goal that I have for myself is to allow myself to be vulnerable while relinquishing control. To go with the flow instead of trying to have it all figured out. To not take life so seriously. To stay present in the face of uncertainty. To stay calm when nothing is working out. To just be myself without judging the experience.

I made an extremely bold move yesterday. Some would even call it courageous. I chose to be vulnerable and open my heart. It was frightening and anxiety-provoking. But it was completely necessary for me. I wanted to run away and put my head in the sand because that was the “safe” option. However, I faced my fears and risked being rejected. I was completely exposed emotionally. And you know what happened? I was okay. I felt proud of myself for pushing through the fear and committed to following through on something difficult that I had started.

Sometimes you must trust someone’s soul even if you don’t trust anything else about them. Our souls know much more than our minds do. We tend to get offended if someone doesn’t respond to a text or honor their word/promises. Take nothing personally. Remember everything happens at the perfect time and there is always a reason why things happen (or don’t happen).

I always try to force things to happen even when I meet resistance. I don’t recommend this by the way because it usually creates difficulty. But what if we just let go? What if we just lived our lives without getting caught up in the drama? What about feeling more and thinking less? That’s what I’m currently working on and it’s definitely a process that takes time. Traveling is helping me tremendously. I am on a beautiful journey of self-discovery and I appreciate every second of it.

So I’ll close with this: Always follow your heart. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, and scared, and lost. Let yourself fall apart so that you can be transformed into the person whom you are meant to be. Trust the journey and find love for yourself. But most of all, remember to enjoy life and have fun.

Here’s a quote from “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield:

“Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins”

Until next time (which is probably sometime soon),

xoxo

~Maryann

 

Sometimes… We Find The Answer

 

I have been on a never-ending search since I came home to understand why I cannot let go of certain experiences and people from my past. I have read countless articles and books, listened to hours of music, watched several movies, and yet I still could not find an explanation.

I am happy to report that I finally discovered the reason why. I found an article (click here to read it) which summed up everything perfectly. Even better than I could have ever imagined. Everything just clicked as a read it in a moment of pure clarity.

I was never supposed to forget about my past in the first place!

The past had made me who I am today. An impact that will remain for the rest of my life. I am not the same person that I was before. These important changes that occurred within me cannot be undone and nor would I want them to be.

I was trying so hard to forget everything and move on. However, I missed the whole point. The moments in life that are unforgettable are often the most significant.

There are many things in life which are not meant to last. But time is irrelevant. It’s the lessons that we learn along the way. Lessons that may take a minute, an hour, a day, or several years.

We can choose to look at the past as a burden or a blessing. How we choose to view our life is our own choice. It’s all about perception.

I will move forward knowing that I am a better person for having experienced my past. I no longer see it as a burden but that I am truly blessed. And when those reminders of the past come creeping back in my mind, I will smile. Because I am happy to have those memories and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

Love,

Maryann

Keep Your Heart Open

“The bigger the wall, the bigger the heartbreak” – Me

 

Okay, please don’t judge me for what I’m about to admit. I went on Tinder this past Friday night and I met up with a guy. This was one of the most spontaneous things I have ever done. I talked to him for maybe an hour and decided to meet him. The mini date went well but I had no desire to go on a second date. Nevertheless, I was proud of myself for putting myself out there and taking a risk. It was scary as Hell. But exciting at the same time. I was nervous and my stomach filled with butterflies. However, I pushed through the fear and did it anyway. Why am telling you this story? Because life is about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and this story is a perfect example of that.

Let’s take a few steps back for a minute. For most of my whole life, I have worked extremely hard to build up emotional walls around myself so that I wouldn’t be hurt by anyone. I have lived up to other people’s expectations and conformed to what I thought everybody wanted me to be. I put a mask over my face to conceal my true self. I’m playing a role in the play called Life. But at the same time, I’m being inauthentic. I’m not being who I truly am inside because I’m afraid. Terrified of letting people in because what if they disliked what they saw. But I’m tired of living a lie and pretending to be someone that I’m not.

I had some huge realizations today. By building up walls around myself, I was protecting myself from darkness while depriving myself of the light as well. What happens to a heart that is closed off from light? It becomes a black hole. Destroying anything that comes within its proximity. Over time, the heart begins to sabotage itself by feeding the darkness. It becomes cynical and apprehensive. It questions everything. This is the point where blocking off your heart backfires. Because not feeling anything is much worse than feeling pain.

Within each of us, exists darkness and light. The Ying and the Yang. An internal balance of energies. When you shut down and refuse to become intimately connected to others, you throw off that delicate balance within. The light within can never be fully extinguished because it is the light of our soul. But it can become diminished (If we allow it to be). And sometimes we don’t even realize it’s happening. That is until the Universe intervenes.

There are certain people in this world who have the ability to reignite the hearts of others. They have the special superpower to break through the walls that have been constructed. They can shine in light where there was once only darkness. Through this, miracles occur.

We often look at heartbreak as a bad thing. We wish that it had never happened or that we had never met those people. But sometimes we needed our hearts to be broken wide open. To have an intense energy surge through our being and cause that small flame of light to become a raging fire. A spark to awaken us to the love that’s waiting to enter our lives. But that future love requires us to be open and receptive not closed and dismissive. Through heartbreak, we learn to feel again. We allow our selves to heal without building up new walls. We are exposed and we are vulnerable. And it doesn’t always feel good. But it is necessary. Because we are meant to shine our light and experience love.

So, let’s take a moment to thank those people from our past who allowed us to rediscover our true selves. The ones that pushed us outside our comfort zone and made us uncomfortable. Because without these unsung heroes, we may still be stuck in the darkness. They allowed us to remember why we’re all here on this planet. In order to be connected and come together for a greater good. I send a big thank you to all who have broken down my walls and broken open my heart. Without you, I have no clue where I’d be. The lesson in all of this is there is always a silver lining in everything that happens. Stay positive and always keep your heart open. For you never know when love might cross your path 😉

Until next time and sending you all my love as always,

~Maryann

 

Just. Breathe.

“When you have nothing else to hold onto, just let go” – Me

Hey Everyone,

This week may prove to be one of the hardest of my entire life (which is pretty impressive because I’ve had some rough ones in the past). I found myself freaking out today over the fact that I have two finals coming up in the next few days and I am absolutely terrified. I’m not even sure where to start with studying for them and it’s truly scary. I feel helpless and overwhelmed.

I’m sure I’m going through what thousands upon thousands of students across the country are experiencing right now. Finals week sucks (to put it nicely). I am not a fan of taking tests and I get pretty bad anxiety from them. Not sure if this is a control issue or not. Or maybe it’s just the uncertainty of everything. What does the future hold after graduation? What am I going to do and where am I going to go? I’m not sure where the anxiety comes from but it’s no fun at all. I spend most of my time trying to calm myself down and maintaining the thought that everything will work out for the best. There’s no need for this amount of stress. Like seriously, ever.

I felt compelled to write this blog post for a few reasons. One, I wanted to distract myself from my own thoughts. Secondly, I wanted to remind everyone out there who is currently going through a difficult time, to keep moving forward. Stay present and take steps toward your future. Trust that you are where you need to be right at this very moment. Enjoy life and do the things that make you happy. Life is too short to worry all the time. Worrying is pointless anyhow. It’s usually never as bad as we imagine how it’s going to be.

We can never give up. We must always stay positive and reach for our dreams (whatever they may be). We are allowed to FEEL. Sometimes we get depressed or happy or anxious or angry. But you know what, it’s OKAY. We are all human. Stop trying to run away from yourself (it’s actually impossible to do). Embrace every part of you. The good and the bad. None of us are perfect. The paths we take in life are often curvy and sometimes include many detours. But we will get to our final destination. Remember, it’s truly about what we learn along the way. Life is a journey, enjoy it!

My faith and trust in the Universe is increasing in such an enormous way right now. All I have left is the hope that everything will be okay in the end. And I know it will be. But you can bet that I will be saying prayers every day until graduation (which is a week away!). I will get through this because I know that I’m only given what I’m strong enough to handle. I believe in myself and I know I am destined for great things. We just need to take one step at a time. That’s all that you can do.

In the words of Dory from Finding Nemo, “Just Keep Swimming!”

Love you all,

~Maryann