As the year draws to a close, this blog update is a summary of the things I’m currently dealing with…
I’ve been to so many places along my journey thus far and yet I feel like I have seen and done so little. This is the part of the adventure that is becoming extremely challenging for me. The holidays are in full swing as Christmas has just passed and New Year’s is fast approaching. Not to mention that my 30th birthday is thrown in there for good measure. Let’s just say that I’ve been a bag of mixed emotions lately and it hasn’t exactly been easy.
I move from place to place hoping that I will completely transform myself into something different just by traveling to the next spot. I meet people from all over the world and when I’m irritated or bothered by many of them, I get an intense urge to flee and go somewhere new. But you cannot escape yourself and your deep-rooted issues. For it is true that we only find what we carry around within us. Those inner conflicts and heavy emotions that I have been pushing back and running from for many years are now bubbling to the surface and it’s my responsibility to deal with them, once and for all.
Maybe it takes getting to the point where you are so frustrated and uncomfortable with how your life is progressing that it forces you to make necessary changes. I think this is an accurate quote: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” It’s easy to get stuck in a world where you are comfortable and everything is planned out and predictable. That my friends is called trying to control life. Instead we should roll with the punches and go with the flow, which is definitely easier said than done as old habits die hard. However, it’s easier to swim with the current than against it. If we’re open to change and new possibilities and taking risks, then beautiful things can enter our lives.
Change requires surrender. Surrender of control. Surrender of what you believe should be happening. Surrender of all the expectations. By planning everything out exactly, we miss out on the beauty of the spontaneity that life can offer (that is of course if we’re open to it). Another key part is releasing all judgments. Those who are harsh critics of others are frequently the hardest judges of themselves. This has been a hard lesson for me as I am guilty of judging other people and especially myself. I’m a very logical person so I think a lot as well. And I mean A LOT. I overanalyze and complicate situations with overthinking. When they say ‘Paralysis by analysis’, they weren’t kidding!!
I’m really working on becoming comfortable being the real me around others. I attempt to fit in by trying to please everyone. But I’m losing myself in the process. And yes at this point, you could say that I’m lost. I have no clue where I’m going or what I’m doing next. This is good and bad. It’s terrifying but liberating at the same time. I’ve heard that you need to lose yourself before you can find yourself and I’m putting my faith in that statement.
Lately, I have been asking myself why I came on this trip in the first place. The answer is that I don’t know. All I know is I felt the need to come over to this part of the world and I followed that instinct. I also feel in my heart that my work is not yet finished and I must stay here for a while longer. That I know to be truth.
Maybe I had to take this journey to discover that my health needed some major TLC and to realize how out of balance I had become. I’m sure that I’m learning many lessons at the moment that I just can’t see yet. I still believe that this experience will help me greatly in the future and I will be able to see why things happened as they did, when the time is right.
As I reflect back on Christmas, I understand how important my family is to me. I would give up all the presents in the world in order to spend quality time celebrating with my family. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. It’s funny that it took flying to the other side of the world to help me understand this. I love my family so much and human connection is the most special part of the holiday season. It’s all about love and it always has been 🙂
I must gather up the courage and perseverance to push through these difficult times and break through to the other side, where there’s peace, clarity, and prosperity. Big rewards come to those who wait. I am determined to make some major breakthroughs and heal many of my old wounds. I know I will find the way and that everything will work out in divine timing.
I thank all of you for following me on this journey and for all your kind and loving support. Your encouragement gives me the strength to continue when the world seems to be crumbling all around me and I feel like giving up and going home. So thank you and please know that you’re helping me more than you know.
I wish all of you a wonderful New Year filled with happiness, good health, and FUN! You all are amazing and I send my love to each and every one of you 🙂
Until the next time (when ::gasp:: I’ll be 30 years old)…