“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” – Pema Chodron
How do you forget someone who changed your life? Spoiler alert: You don’t.
My life was changed dramatically on this day back in 2015. But four years ago, I had no idea how much change would actually occur. During those three weeks in March, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, and transformation. It caused a major energetic shift within me and broke open all the parts of myself that needed to be healed. But that was only the beginning.
These past four years have largely consisted of reflection, learning lessons, realizations, experimentation, resistance, and even a reunion. I have been riding a roller coaster of life experiences and internal growth. But it hasn’t all been easy. There have been moments of pain as well as moments of clarity.
I’ve traveled around the world and met hundreds of people but yet there are only a few individuals who stand out from the crowd. I believe these particular people are important because of how strongly they impact you. These spectacular men and women become the people who are forever etched into your life story and your soul’s journey.
I still don’t quite understand why certain people stay with you even when they’re gone. There is an excellent quote by Eckhart Tolle which states “Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand, and becoming comfortable with not knowing.” And while I am very uncomfortable with things that I don’t understand, I am giving up the control of trying to figure it out. I am surrendering to the unknown.
For therapeutic purposes and despite the fact that this message may never reach the intended person, I will write a brief note to close this post:
I am truly sorry for pushing you away. I have realized that due to fear, I attempt to sabotage all my relationships and friendships. I would rather feel safe and protected than risk getting hurt. But I opened up and let my guard down which scared the crap out of me. We triggered each other because we are very similar. I felt hurt and I was vulnerable. So I tested our friendship until it hit the breaking point. I miss talking to you and the more I reflect on our conversations, the more I understand how your advice has stuck with me. It has helped me navigate many situations which you’re unaware of. The seeds were planted and the flowers have bloomed. But there was a lot of pain in the process. Pain that came from lots of repressed memories and emotions. Sometimes healing hurts but it is necessary in order to move forward and live a healthy life. I am not a perfect person (as nobody is) but I strive to be better. And so I am working on myself and I am in the process of learning the lessons. Thank you for your support and your presence in my life. Knowing you has set my life on a different course. And because I’m at a loss of words at the moment, I will sum this up with a song quote from my favorite musical ‘Wicked’
“I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…”
I envision you helping so many people in the future and I know you will make a difference in this world, just as you did in my life. And if we’re meant to meet again, we will. But until then, I wish you peace, love, and happiness. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤